Over the years, I’ve worked with many couples - often one of them is very excited about the prospect of tantra… and the other is reserved, skeptical, or resistant. Please know, tantra is not strictly a journey for couples - exploring tantra alone can be wildly enriching. However, it is understandable to desire to bring your partner in on the action. Here are some tips to do so in maximizing their willingness to lean into this often misunderstood modality:
1. Clarify Your Intentions: Before sharing Tantra, take time to reflect on your motivations. Are you aiming to inspire or awaken a sense of spirituality and connection in your partner? While these intentions are positive, be cautious of any shadow desires that may prompt you to "fix" them or instill your own beliefs upon them.
2. Live the Tantric Lifestyle:
Rather than directly introducing your partner to Tantric practices, focus on embodying a Tantric way of living. By prioritizing your own healing and personal growth, you may naturally inspire curiosity in your partner. When they see the positive changes in you, they’ll be more likely to ask questions and seek to understand Tantra themselves.
3. Share resources that resonate:
Educate yourselves on Tantra through various resources that are easily accessible and shareable, including books, podcasts, and videos. When recommending material, ensure it aligns with your partner's interests and comfort level. Thoughtful suggestions that avoid being too confrontational or edgy will make the topic more approachable and foster meaningful discussions.
4. Devotional Tantric Rituals:
Nearly everyone loves to receive a massage, expressions of appreciation, and undivided attention. Consider creating a special date night focused on pouring into your partner, infusing tantric practices you’ve picked up in your own study. Pro tip: consult a professional (me!) to make it extra special and have you going in with grounded confidence.
5. Have Compassion and Grace:
Get curious about where the resistance, skepticism, or lack of interest is coming from with your partner. Very often there is a deeper fear or disconnection that is occurring. Maybe they're afraid of being vulnerable, or change feels scary, or they worry they won’t be “good” at it and will let you down in the process. It can be supportive to reiterate your commitment to the relationship, as well as share your desire to grow together.
6. Be Lighthearted and Have fun!
The tantric journey isn’t meant to be weighty or too serious. Give yourself (and your partner) permission to try something new, to be silly, and to laugh along the way. Consider approaching your tantric journey as a child at the playground.
7. Release Attachment:
In the process of introducing Tantra, it's vital to release attachment to specific outcomes. Understand that both you and your partner may have different comfort levels and interests in exploring Tantra. Allowing space for your partner to journey at their own pace can cultivate a more organic interest and connection without the pressure of expectation.
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