Do you have a low-libido or are you just not having crave-worthy sex?
I have had many clients and friends (mostly women) come to me, an intimacy and sacred sex mentor, as a last-ditch effort, believing they have low-libido or are even asexual, meaning they experience little to no sexual attraction to others.
Low-libido may be caused by hormonal imbalances, mental health, medications, and many other factors. Asexuality is equally complex and subjective. That being said, I've noticed some trends in my line of work.
Many individual come to me saying they don’t have any desire to have sex with their partners or, if they’re single, to pursue a sexual relationship. Some have never enjoyed or desired sex, and in more extreme cases, they actively avoid sex because they associate it with pain in their bodies or with past trauma. Others may have enjoyed sexual intimacy in the past, but the desire has dried up.
ALL of these individuals left me feeling a renewed desire for intimacy… once they discovered what was on the menu.
Sexual intimacy is a buffet. And crave-worthy sex is subjective! What is crave-worthy to one person may be very different for the next person. I, for example, may keep going back to the buffet for mountains of mac’n’cheese… while others stick to the salad bar.
You may not even know what is crave-worthy because you don’t know what’s at the buffet… your whole life you may have been slurping society-soup-sex (the type of sex that is most often portrayed, spoken of and accepted by society). Society-soup-sex is often spontaneous and hyper-focused on having an orgasm as fast as possible.
Crave-worthy sex is the type that makes you want seconds because its THAT good. For many, it doesn’t look much like the media or porn-portrayal of sex. It might be energetic… more kinky… or more sensual than what you’ve been exposed to.
To find what is crave-worthy for you, you must do three things:
Let go of your “diet” - aka the societal conditioning that says the “buffet” of sexual experiences is bad/wrong/slutty/dangerous, etc. This is often called shadow-work.
Go in with an empowered mindset of “eating” with balance, wellness, and nourishment in mind - meaning, this is not a time to gorge yourself so much you create more damage than good. This is a time to be sovereign in your boundaries, needs, and desires.
Explore the buffet! Try new things. Go back for more of what you like and leave the rest.
I have guided countless clients to have more transformative and restorative intimacy. And those that thought they were asexual, end up realizing they are not - they just weren’t having craveworthy sex.
What I want you to know? There is a BUFFET of sexual experience and liberation. You don’t need to settle for society-soup-sex or starve yourself.
PS: Wanting support in sexual liberation OR becoming a pleasure priestess? Consider enrolling me as your personal cheerleader!
PSS: Desiring a safe space to practice setting boundaries & push your edges? Check out my upcoming events.
Ready to own all your deepest desires? Download the Sexual Shadowwork Workbook for FREE.
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